The Internet's Best Practices for Ministry

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Welcoming Guests and First Impressions

The sermon starts in the parking lot, and the impression you make for your guests on Sunday morning during the first 10 minutes will be indelible.

Technology and The Church

Leveraging technology for ministry can be an incredible blessing. But it can also be fraught with problems and pitfalls. Learn how to use technology well.

Vision and Leadership

Our God longs for leaders to request of Him to do that which they cannot. Faith filled vision, leadership and risk are key ingredients for ministry.

Preaching and Communication

You know and understand how challenging it is to communicate. It is hard to get and capture people's attention. Learn how to communicate effectively.

Creativity and Innovation

Being creative means asking the right questions and making new associations. Discover new and creative ideas for your ministry.

Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

How To Cure Inattentiveness




A new product to address smartphone distraction and inattentiveness. Present Spray is for that moment when you realize that the person you thought you were talking to wasn’t actually paying attention to you? Patent pending.  Enjoy!

14 Comments That You Should NEVER Say To Your Pastor

shut up
The Ministry Best Practices Staff will be on vacation and will be entering a "tech-free" zone. Therefore for the week we are sharing some of the best of MBP. Some of the content has been repurposed and updated.

Some things should never be said, even if you are thinking them or wanting to say them. Therefore avoid these comments toward your pastor at all cost:
  1. I wish I had a job like yours, where I would work only one day a week.
  2. What do you do with all the free time you have?
  3. Can I have a couple of minutes before you preach?
  4. I love you pastor, but....(fill in the blank).
  5. I like your preaching, pastor, but I really like....(fill in the blank with television or podcast preacher).
  6. Can your wife play piano?
  7. Your kids shouldn’t behave that way. After all, they are pastor’s kids.
  8. Your low salary is good for you. It keeps you humble and dependent on the Lord.
  9. I bet you don’t spend any time preparing your sermons.
  10. Pastor (predecessor pastor) didn’t do it that way.
  11. You don’t have a real degree. You went to seminary.
To read 12-14 go to Thom Rainer

from original post HERE

How To Make Any Church Hip And Relevant

cool church

Need to make your church hip and relevant? Need to bring the crowds into your church this Christmas? Then perhaps this strategy maybe an option for your next church promo. (enjoy a little humor today)

(video link)

How To Create Shallow Small Groups In Your Church

Shallow Small Group
These videos are a classic and been around for a few years, yet after watching them again I think that they are still very relevant and make a salient point - that too many of our small groups are simply shallow - they aren't intentionally helping to make and equip disciples of Jesus Christ.

The best small groups that I have discovered for my walk with Christ have revolved more around serving together than meeting around onion dip and chips in someone's living room.

How do you experience small groups? Has it been frustrating or rewarding?

Video #1


Video #2 

Why It's Important To Laugh

As we are on vacation during these next couple of days, Ministry Best Practices will be posting the "Best of" articles on different topics that have been some of the more popular posts over the years.

Today we want to look at humor. Humor is an effective tool and device that can help you make or illustrate an important point. Also humor can provide the needed spoonful of sugar to help difficult medicine go down. To be able to laugh is a gift. At Ministry Best Practices we will often use humor, satire or parody to communicate. Here are some of the very best humorous posts from Ministry Best Practices.

Requests For Every Worship Pastor

When Churches Lie - REAL Church Postcards

Even More (Honest) Church Postcards

When I Forget To Tell My Wife That She Is In The Sermon

Hipster Pastor Name Generator

Humorous Church Names


Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby


Requests For Every Worship Pastor

Here, in this video below, stand up comedian Tim Hawkins shares a couple requests he has for worship pastors. Does Tim Hawkins speak for you? What requests would you have for your worship pastor?
 

Funny Video - Church Signs Tribute

You gotta love church signs. So often trying too hard to be funny or clever...but in the end they just end up either being cliche', offensive or terrible groaner puns. Enjoy this video parody below that is an appropriate tribute to the church signs that we all know and love.
 

14 Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Pastor


  1. I wish I had a job like yours, where I would work only one day a week.
  2. What do you do with all the free time you have?
  3. Can I have a couple of minutes before you preach?
  4. I love you pastor, but....(fill in the blank).
  5. I like your preaching, pastor, but I really like....(fill in the blank with television or podcast preacher).
  6. Can your wife play piano?
  7. Your kids shouldn’t behave that way. After all, they are pastor’s kids.
  8. Your low salary is good for you. It keeps you humble and dependent on the Lord.
  9. I bet you don’t spend any time preparing your sermons.
  10. Pastor (predecessor pastor) didn’t do it that way.
  11. You don’t have a real degree. You went to seminary.
To read 12-14 go to Thom Rainer

Even More (Honest) Church Postcards

A continuation from my previous post, here are even more honest church postcards, that you'll never see in your mailbox, from Echo Hub








A Pastor's Pulpit - Supercharged




This cartoon is taken from the Dave Walker Guide to the Church, published by Canterbury Press. It originally appeared in the Church Times

(ht: CartoonChurch.com)

When Churches Lie - REAL Church Postcards



Do you ever find your mailbox stuffed with those slick and well produced "church postcards" inviting you to their awesome church?!  What would those postcard invitations look like if we stripped away the hype and actually told the truth?  EchoHub has done just that and they have posted some hilarious examples.  Here are a select few below:






(ht: EchoHub)

When I Forget To Tell My Wife That She Is In The Sermon


"When I forget to tell my wife that there is a sermon illustration about her until she hears it in the service."


"Me when anyone asks me anything about anything the week after Holy Week."


"What I say when a parishioner comes up to me after a Spirit-filled worship service and complains about a bulletin typo."

Check out this any many other funny ministry memes at On Staff At A Church

Humor Can Spark Creativity


The is an interview with John Morreall from FastCompany.com and from the Ministry Best Practices archives:

Ministry can be hard work. But the best teams are those that can laugh with one another. We just finished our staff meeting this morning and we never laughed so hard during our time together. Did we get stuff done? Of course. But I think John's opinions are right on the money. Humor increases productivity as well as enjoyment within the task.

Why You Should Include a Joker in Every Brainstorming Session

You say that humor increases productivity, reduces conflict, and fosters change. Is this a joke?
Humor is healthy, especially the way it reduces stress. Humor is the opposite of fight-or-flight emotions -- especially fear and anger. I can't be laughing with you and angry or afraid of you at the same time.

How does it encourage creativity?
Humor makes us think more flexibly. People who think funny do better on creativity studies. To put it really simply, humor loosens up your brain to think of more possibilities and be more open to the wild and wacky ones. There is a guy at the State University of New York at Buffalo named Roger Firestien who has a center for the study of creativity. When he teaches brainstorming, he says you should put a joker in the group -- somebody who will come up with preposterous ideas. Very often that will stimulate people to come up with ideas that will work. Let me give you an example. A bunch of paint engineers were moaning and bitching about how hard it is to get paint off a house. One guy says, "Why don't we just put gunpowder in the paint and blow it off the house?" That led people to think, "What could we do that would be the equivalent of gunpowder?" They came up with a chemical they added to the paint and when you wanted to remove the paint you did a light wash with a second chemical over the first one. That didn't blow it off the house, but it allowed it to drop off.

How To Get Rid Of Your Pastor!



From the MinistryBestPractices Archives:


I offer you this tongue-in-cheek and thoughtful post by John Roberts in it's entirety:

Some time back, I heard about a church that had been trying to "get rid" of their pastor. Sadly, this is something that happens a lot in the American church scene. We get unhappy with the pastor or with something the church is doing; and then, instead of doing the biblical thing and prayerfully seeking to work out the differences, we choose up sides. Then, if there are enough votes to dismiss or enough people to make things really unpleasant, out the pastor goes.

It's tragic, not only because of what it does to that pastor, but because of the broken relationships and the slow-healing wounds left behind, which often remain long after the pastor departs. Frankly, there are simpler ways. If you ever want to get rid of your pastor, instead of looking for votes or choosing up sides, try one of these five ideas.

Idea No. 1: During the Sunday morning message, listen closely and take notes. Look your pastor straight in the eye, and occasionally nod your head and say, "Amen!" Begin to make serious efforts to apply the life lessons you learn from the sermons. In six months, he'll preach himself to death.

Idea No. 2: Pat your pastor on the back and brag on his good points two or three times a month. Make a bunch of phone calls to your friends and neighbors and tell them all the good things about your pastor. In a little while, so many more people will start coming to your church, you'll have to hire an associate pastor, and your senior pastor will be free to leave.

Idea No. 3: Next Sunday, in response to the sermon, go forward to the altar and rededicate your life to Christ. Then make an appointment with the pastor sometime next week. Ask him to give you some job you could do for the church, preferably some lost people you could go visit with a view to winning them to Christ. He'll likely die of heart failure on the spot.

Idea No. 4: Organize a ministry to call on the shut-ins and elderly members of the church, and encourage the pastor, as the early church did (see Acts 6:1-7), to devote more of his time to prayer, the study of God's Word and sermon preparation. Tell him you'll take care of the widows if he'll take care of the preaching. He'll think the whole congregation has gone completely crazy and start looking for another church immediately.

Idea No. 5: Get a whole bunch of the church members to unite in earnest intercessory prayer for the pastor, his ministry and his family. Organize prayer meetings in which you pray for the growth of the church and the blessing of the pastor. The pastor may become so effective in ministry that some larger church will gladly take him off your hands.

One note of caution, however: if you try one of these methods, you may find that you don't want to get rid of your pastor after all.

Sign Broken - Finally!


Finally!!!

How To Spot Visitors In Your Church

Be Careful Who You Root For


Church signs try to get too cute for their own good! (courtesy of Ed Stetzer)

Enter Church At Your Own Risk


This sign made me laugh! I think it's great that the church welcomes people, even though in doing so they need to explain the fish smell and possum damage. Classic!

Sign from Maori Anglican Church at Raukokore, East Cape, New Zealand.

(ht: Arbroath)

Hipster Pastor Name Generator


If you're in need of a name more awesome than good old 'pastor' then you've got to check out the Hipster Pastor Name Generator.  The photo above is my new name that the program generated, instead of pastor you can now call me the "Imaginative Communal Leader!"  :-)

Quit Your Jibber Jabber



This is an old video from a now defunct show...but as always Mr. T. gets it right - in the simplest terms possible.